Producing Youth : Producing Media

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Matt: Leadership and Ambivalence

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Transcript:

Miriam: I get the sense from you that your biggest challenge is that your not the most comfortable disciplinarian?

Matt:

Yeah I think the biggest challenge for me is that I am not the most comfortable person with disciplining but I think if someone told me how to do it. Or told me what my boundaries were, I would be okay with it. I think it's just that a lot of us go in there blind and have these sort of conceptions of what you're supposed to do and um, maybe it's personal like I'm just really, I don’t like to assume. So like I was kinda like, woah I don't wanna you know, overstep boundaries and stuff

Miriam: What are you worried about?

Matt:

I dunno, I guess getting sued? Like I dunno. That crosses my mind; if I yell at somebody and they cry are their parents gonna come after me? And be like, ‘oh my god you yelled at my kid’. I don't know that. Maybe it's a bizarre insecurity but um, yeah like I mean, I don't how these teachers are disciplining their kids and maybe if they sort of told us their methods and we were just so there was the continuity...

Miriam: Do you think that would work? I don't think that taking teachers methods and using them outside the class would work.

Matt:

No I don't think so. I think if someone just told us what our boundaries were as far like telling them to stop, asking them to leave. I don't know. I think the biggest thing is I just I don't feel like it's my place, and like I don't wanna have to step into that role as a discipliner. It's a role I would like to stay far away from.

Miriam: But it's interesting because it's not really, I mean instead of comparing it to a classroom if you compared it to like a movie set you know like. When you're directing a film do you have any problems, getting mad at the people you're directing with?

Matt: No.

Miriam: Why not?

Matt: 'Cause they're adults, they're other adults, so.

Miriam: So if somebody that you were working with on a film started to cry what would you do?

Matt: I dunno, I guess I would just be like, that's silly you're crying.

Miriam: Okay and if one of your students despite your best intentions started to cry what would you do?

Matt: I think I would get you and ask you to go in, ‘she’s crying I don't know what to do please go help her?’ do whatever...

Miriam: So what is it that worries you - is it the emotions of the students that worries you or is genuinely just, ‘I wouldn't know what to say?’

Matt:

I think it's that I have this fear of hurting um teenagers. I think it's because I was yelled at all the time when I was a teenager, and um I really hated it and thought it was ineffective and I don't want to be that person who yells at them, even though I feel like need to get yelled at sometimes. But I just don’t wanna be the person. I don't think it's appropriate to be the one yelling at them. Like maybe if I just was like, ‘hey life lessons yelling or smacking your friends doesn't always get you far in life’ that might help if I just talked to them that way. I think I don't wanna exaggerate it. At first I was kinda like I don't know what to do with you. But it just sort of, we just were like, "okay you just can't do that okay" and that was enough and then it just ended there and I got over my fear of like being the authority figure in the classroom quickly.

Miriam: Do you think as you get older and look less youthful head to toe, it'll get easier for you to be the easy-going guy?

Matt: Are you calling me old looking?

Miriam: Not now - in the future...

Matt:

Yeah I think so, I think people start to see you as more. I mean maybe if one day I had a gray beard, I dunno like, it would be a lot easier to just earn respect without talking. Does that make sense? It's true like people seem to just sort of listen to you more if you're older then them. It's something that we just seem to do.